In terms of seasonal
viewing lists, A Belle's Tales is proving to be quite the hook-up. We had your
back for Halloween. We told you about our favorite Scrooges for Christmas. It only seems fitting, then, that we start off 2015 right, with
our own unique spin on a Valentine’s Day movie watching list.
And while quippy Hugh
Grant movies or light-hearted Sandra Bullock fare might be just the ticket for
some viewers, others need something a little more visceral come Valentine’s
Day. So here, fellow oddball, is a list for you. Grab those candy hearts, brew
up some hot chocolate, and dim the lights!
Read at your own
peril...
5. Prom Night
(1980)
Two years after Halloween
established her as a reluctant “scream-queen,” Jamie Lee Curtis starred in this
Scooby-Doo esque Canadian slasher directed by Paul Lynch. The film starts off
with a group of kids goofing around in an old abandoned convent. One of the
young girls falls out of a window, and plummets to her death. What a macabre
coincidence that, six years later, the high school prom takes place on the
anniversary of the girl’s death. The group of kids involved in the incident are
picked off one by one, until the killer’s true identity is revealed. It’s one
of those great Halloween/Friday the 13th derivative slashers that
keeps you guessing until the very end. The film is also notable for featuring
comic legend Leslie Nielsen!
4. Valentine
(2001)
Out of all the
crummy-but-nevertheless-enjoyable-teeny-bopper horror movies that came out at
the dawn of the new millenium, this one stands a notch or two above its
contemporaries — which owes more to its technical execution than it does its
script. But anyway, the film is about a young reclusive kid who is cruelly
humiliated at a junior high school Valentine’s Day dance. The young boy is
tormented by his peers, falsely accused of harming one of his classmates, and
sent to reform school. Thirteen years later, he comes back, donning a plastic
mask, to avenge his tormentors. Also notable for featuring Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, and a slew of other actors who are now struggling to find work.
3. Scream 3 (2000)
Scream 3 is one of the best self-aware slasher movies
ever made, and features performances from many of the original cast members
(including Neve Campbell and David Arquette). Things go awry during the
production of a generic slasher film entitled Stab 3. It offers plenty
of scares and giggles, and the film is still warmly regarded by genre
enthusiasts: it made a whopping $32.5 million in box-office receipts during it’s opening weekend, and it’s still
shown on major TV networks throughout the course of the year (more details here about where and when
you can catch it locally). Now, I know what you’re thinking. The third
installment of any franchise is historically the worst in the series — but file
this one in the “exceptions” folder, along with Return of the Jedi and The
Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Err. On second thought, file it in the same
folder as Halloween III or Slumber Party Massacre III.
2. Happy Birthday
to Me (1981)
Nearly every child star
goes through some sort of humiliating rebellious phase in the public sphere
after they come of age and struggle to find work. Little House on the
Prairie Fans were scandalized by Melissa Sue Anderson’s decision to play the lead female role in this
criminally-overlooked Canadian hack-and-slash. Anderson plays Jenny, a girl who
belongs to her school’s clique of popular, privileged kids. One by one, they
start getting whacked by an unidentified-assailant, in some of the most
gruesome death scenes of any horror film (including a segment where a young man
is shish-kabobbed to death). What’s more: the film has one of the most
satisfying twist endings of any 80’s horror film.
1. My Bloody
Valentine (1981)
Reportedly one of
Quentin Tarantino’s all-time favorite slasher films, this Canadian slasher
(from the same production team that was behind Happy Birthday to Me)
revolves around a small mining town named Valentine’s Bluff. Eager to get to
the Valentine’s Dance, a group of supervisory miners abandon their coworkers in
the shaft. As luck would have it, there’s a cave-in that claims the lives of
all but one miner, Harry Warden, who is recovered after several days of being
stranded alone in a dark cavern. He goes on a killing spree, leaving ominous
(and somewhat clumsily written) valentine cards scribed in blood at his crime
scenes, instructing town officials to never host another Valentine’s Day dance
again. 20 years later, a dance is coordinated, and someone decides to crash the
party. Is it Harry? I’m not going to tell you. But what I will tell you is
this: director George Mihalka fought with censors over the grizzly special
effects featured in the film. Nine minutes of footage was reportedly snipped from Mihalka’s final
cut. Thankfully, however, you can find DVD’s that feature some of the restored footage. Oh: and don’t even bother with the re-make.
Brandon Engel is a Chicago-based blogger who writes about everything from pulp horror to environmental legislation.
Follow him on Twitter at @BrandonEngel2.
Thank you to Brandon for stopping by and sharing his awesome Slasher Flicks list!
What flick would make your list?
WELP. I have nothing to contribute, LOL. I'm a big chicken and haven't watched a scary movie since an unfortunate after-waking-from-nightmare-but-before-fully-conscious incident (that involved throwing my own arm b/c asleep so numb and couldn't feel it) after watching Red Dragon. BUT. I can appreciate that this list list exists ;)
ReplyDeleteHahaha I don't watch scary movies... but I do love anything and everything that takes Valentines Day and twists it to be non conventional!
ReplyDeleteI loved the movie Valentine, it was so creepy <3 Great post!
ReplyDeleteBenish | Feminist Reflections
I love a good scary movie - especially on Valentine's Day ;D Awesome post! x
ReplyDeleteI love this, Valentine's always makes me think of murder.
ReplyDelete/Avy
http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com
♥
And here I thought I was the only one watching horror movies on Valentine's Day - haha. Fantastic post, Brandon and Michele!
ReplyDelete- James xx
Horror movies for Valentine's Day? Why didn't I think of that?? Awesome~ Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete~Jess
That's an interesting twist to Valentine's Day! I'm not much for horror movies, but this post was fun!
ReplyDelete